Is Moving Abroad Worth It? What You Gain and What You Lose When Relocate with Your Family
Last checked: September 2026. Expat survey figures are updated every year, so the numbers here may shift in the next edition. Treat figures as a starting point for your own research.
Most relocation advice is about logistics: visas, schools, shipping, bank accounts. Those matter. But the question that keeps parents awake at night is a different one. Is this worth it? What will our children gain, and what will we all give up?
There is no single answer. A move that is the best thing a family ever did can be the wrong move for the family next door. What helps is seeing the whole picture clearly, gains and losses side by side, before you decide. That is what this guide does.
We will go through each gain and each loss in plain terms, share what the research says where there is solid research, and then give you a simple exercise to build your own family ledger. Nothing here is meant to push you towards going or staying. It is meant to help you decide with your eyes open.
What does the ledger look like at a glance?
Here is the short version. Not every line will apply to your family, and the weight of each line will be different for you than for anyone else.
| What you often gain | What you often lose |
|---|---|
| Languages, often learned young and with less effort | Being near ageing parents and grandparents |
| Adaptability and confidence in new situations | Friendships that continue without effort |
| A wider sense of what is "normal" | The accompanying partner's professional network |
| Friendships across cultures | Being known by the same people over decades |
| Perspective on your home country and your own habits | Ease and fluency in everyday life |
| Sometimes, a better financial position (in some corridors only) | Repeated goodbyes, often more than once |
| Career breadth and international experience | Sometimes, pension and career continuity |
| In some places, more time and more outdoor life | Sometimes, money: some moves cost more than they pay |
| Family closeness when it is just the four (or three, or two) of you | Everyday help from family nearby |
Now let us go through each side properly.
What do families gain when they move abroad?
Languages, learned young
Children who go to school or nursery in another language often pick it up faster than their parents. It is not magic, and it is not the same for every child. Age, temperament, how much the new language is used at school and at play, and how long you stay all make a difference. But for many families, a child who speaks two or three languages is one of the clearest gains of all.
Two honest notes. First, children can lose a language as quickly as they gain one. If you move on again, or return home, the language often fades unless you keep it going. Second, your home language needs care too. If you want your children to speak easily with their grandparents, plan for it: books, calls, weekend classes, or simply speaking it at home.
Adaptability
Children who have moved learn that new places can become familiar. They learn to walk into a room where they know no one. Researchers who study "third culture kids" (a term first used by the sociologist Ruth Useem, and later developed by David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken) describe cross-cultural skill and adaptability as common strengths. The same body of work is clear that these strengths often come with costs, which we cover below. For a deeper look, read our guide to how growing up abroad changes children.
A wider sense of normal
When children grow up seeing different ways to eat, celebrate, pray or not pray, organise a school day or run a family, "normal" gets bigger. They learn early that their way is one way, not the only way. Many parents say this is the gain they value most, and it is also the one that never shows up in a cost-of-living spreadsheet.
Friendships across cultures
An international life often brings friends from many countries into your home and your children's lives. These friendships can shape how your children see the world for the rest of their lives.
From experience: This year we went to five weddings: a French-Colombian wedding, a Swedish-Lebanese wedding, a German wedding, a South African-Algerian wedding and a British-Pakistani wedding. We were invited to every one of them because we live an international life. You will not find that in any cost-of-living comparison, but it is one of the things that has shaped our family most: sitting at tables where two families, two languages and two sets of traditions come together, and being part of it.
Perspective
Living somewhere else lets you see your home country from the outside. You notice what it does well and what it does badly. You also notice your own habits, the things you assumed were "just how it is done". This is uncomfortable at times, and useful always.
Sometimes, a financial gain (and sometimes not)
Some moves improve a family's finances: a higher salary, lower taxes, a lower cost of living, or an employer package that covers housing and schooling. Other moves cost more than they pay. International school fees, rent in expat-heavy areas, flights home and a partner who cannot work can erase a salary rise quickly.
The data reflects this split. In the InterNations Expat Insider 2026 survey of close to 8,000 people living abroad, 55% said they were satisfied with their financial situation. That means a large share were not. Do the sums for your own corridor, not someone else's. Our guide to where you live explains why location inside a country can matter as much as the country itself.
Career breadth
International experience can widen a career: new markets, new languages, new ways of working. For the person whose job triggered the move, this is often a real step forward. For the accompanying partner, it can go either way, which is why it also appears in the losses column.
Time and outdoor life, in some places
Shorter commutes, more daylight, a climate that pushes you outside, a culture where weekends are for family: in some places, families find they have more time together. This is not true everywhere. Some moves bring longer hours and less time. Look at the working culture and daily rhythm of the specific city, not the country's reputation.
Family closeness
When you arrive somewhere new and know no one, your family becomes your team. Many parents describe the first year abroad as a time when they grew closer, because they had to rely on each other. This gain is real, but it has a flip side: with no one else nearby, the pressure on the couple and on each parent can be heavy.
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What do families lose when they move abroad?
Being near ageing parents and grandparents
This is the heavy one. For many families it is the loss that decides everything.
Moving abroad often means your children see their grandparents a few times a year instead of every week. It means your parents may age, get ill or need help while you are a long flight away. It means missing birthdays, school plays and ordinary Sunday lunches. For some grandparents, it also means losing the everyday role they had in a grandchild's life.
There is some encouraging research. A 2005 study in the Journal of Adult Development (Taylor, Robila and Lee) looked at international students and their grandparents, and found that the students' sense of their grandparents' influence and their satisfaction with the relationship held up even though contact went down. It was a study of young adults, not small children, so it does not answer every question. But it suggests distance does not have to mean distant, especially when both sides work at it.
From experience: The hardest loss for us is time with our parents, our daughter's grandparents. You see and feel that they are getting older, and that time is limited. It makes me feel sad, and sometimes guilty, for not being closer or more part of their day-to-day life. The same goes for the rest of the family. On the other hand, when we do see each other in real life, it is always very special and intense.
Friendships that continue without effort
At home, friendships often keep going on their own: you bump into people, your children are in the same class, you share a history. Abroad, you start again. The InterNations Expat Insider 2026 survey found that only 39% of people living abroad found it easy to make local friends, and 54% were happy with their social life. That leaves a large group who find it hard.
Old friendships back home also change. Some fade. Some survive with effort. Our guide on how to make real friends as an adult expat covers why this is harder than it sounds and what helps.
The partner's professional network
The partner who follows a job often loses more than a job. They lose contacts, reputation, references and the easy path to the next role. Even if they can work legally, they may need to rebuild from the beginning. This loss often lands quietly and grows over time. It deserves a clear conversation before you go. See our guide on supporting your partner after moving abroad.
Being known over decades
At home, there are people who knew you at 15 and at 35, who knew your parents, who remember your children as babies. Abroad, everyone you meet knows only the current version of you. This loss is hard to explain and easy to underestimate. It often shows up years later, not in the first months.
Ease and fluency
Simple things take more effort: phoning the doctor, reading a school letter, arguing with a landlord, understanding a joke. Even if you speak the language well, you rarely feel fully at ease in the way you do at home. For many people this tiredness fades over time. For some, it never quite goes away.
Repeated goodbyes
International life is full of goodbyes. Friends leave when their contracts end. Your children's best friends move away. You leave, again. Children who grow up this way often become skilled at starting over, but research on third culture kids also describes unresolved grief as a common pattern, especially when losses are not talked about. Our guide on why saying goodbye is a skill nobody teaches you gives practical ways to help children (and adults) through it.
Sometimes, pension and career continuity
Moving can interrupt pension contributions, break up years of service and leave you with small pension pots in several countries. Some countries have social security agreements that let years of work count in more than one place. Others do not. This is a question to check with a qualified adviser before you move, not after. Read what happens to your pension when you move abroad for the questions to ask.
Everyday help from family
No grandparent to pick up a sick child. No sister to take the children for a weekend. No one to call at 7am when your plans fall apart. Abroad, you usually pay for help or do without. Build this into your budget and your expectations.
How do I build my own family ledger?
Here is a simple exercise. It takes about 30 minutes and works best if both adults do it separately first, then compare. Older children can do their own version with fewer lines.
- Go through each line in the table below.
- Score how much it matters to your family, from 1 (barely matters) to 5 (matters a great deal).
- Mark whether, for your specific move, it is likely to be a gain, a loss or neither.
- Write one action that would make the gain bigger or the loss smaller.
- Compare your answers. Pay most attention to lines where you scored very differently.
| Line | How much it matters (1–5) | Gain, loss or neither for this move? | One action that changes it |
|---|---|---|---|
| Children's languages | |||
| Time with grandparents | |||
| Care for ageing parents | |||
| Your closest friendships | |||
| Partner's career and network | |||
| Household finances after all costs | |||
| Pension and long-term savings | |||
| Daily time together as a family | |||
| Outdoor life and climate | |||
| Children's sense of normal and openness | |||
| Ease of daily life | |||
| How many goodbyes you are ready for |
You are not adding up points to get a final score. The point is to see which two or three lines carry the most weight for you. If your heaviest lines are all losses and you cannot see a way to reduce them, that is important information. If your heaviest lines are gains, and the losses have clear plans attached, you are in a stronger position.
How can we reduce the biggest losses?
Some losses cannot be removed. But most can be made smaller with planning. Here are practical ideas for each.
| Loss | What helps |
|---|---|
| Distance from grandparents | A fixed weekly video call at the same time, so it becomes a ritual. Shared activities on calls: reading a bedtime story, cooking the same recipe, playing a simple game. A separate "visits budget" set aside each year. |
| Care for ageing parents | Talk with siblings before you go about who does what. Agree how quickly you could travel home, and keep an emergency travel fund. |
| Old friendships | Choose one or two friendships to protect on purpose. Put a regular call in the diary. Plan a visit or a trip together. |
| Partner's network | Keep in touch with key contacts from the start. Agree as a couple what the partner's career plan is and how it will be funded. |
| Being known | Keep a few long-term friends updated on real life, not only highlights. Return to the same places at home when you visit. |
| Ease and fluency | Invest early in language lessons for the adults, not only the children. Accept that the first year is tiring. |
| Repeated goodbyes | Name the loss with your children. Mark goodbyes properly. Help children keep in touch with friends who leave. |
| Pension and career continuity | Get advice before you move. Keep records of every job, contribution and scheme. |
| Everyday family help | Budget for childcare. Build a small circle of local families who help each other. |
Why a visits budget matters
Many families underestimate how much flights home will cost, especially with children and school holiday prices. Decide in advance how many visits you want each year, in both directions, and put that amount aside monthly. Treating it as a fixed cost, like rent, makes it far more likely to happen. It also lets grandparents plan, which helps them feel part of your life rather than waiting to be invited.
Why video rituals work better than "we'll call when we can"
Calls that happen "when we can" tend to happen less and less. A fixed time each week gives children something to expect and grandparents something to look forward to. Short and regular usually works better than long and rare, especially with young children who struggle to sit still in front of a screen. Give the call a small shape: a song, a story, "show and tell" of something from the week.
From experience: We have done nightly video calls since she was born: 15 minutes before bedtime. She already knows it as a ritual and talks with her grandparents on the call. Once a year, we spend four to six weeks in summer with them and the wider family.
Keeping one long friendship alive
You cannot keep every friendship going across borders. But you can choose one or two and look after them on purpose. A monthly call, a voice note, a shared holiday every couple of years. These friendships matter because they hold your history. They are the people who knew you before, and they help you stay connected to who you were.
Frequently asked questions
Is moving abroad good for children?
It can be. Many children gain languages, adaptability and a wider view of the world. Many also experience grief, identity questions and repeated goodbyes. How the move is handled, how long you stay, and how much support children get all make a big difference. There is no automatic good or bad outcome.
How do we keep grandparents close when we live far away?
Regular, predictable contact works best: a fixed weekly call, shared activities on screen, and a planned budget for visits in both directions. Research on grandparents and grandchildren living in different countries suggests the relationship can stay strong even with less contact, when both sides put in the effort.
Do most expats find it hard to make friends?
Many do. In the InterNations Expat Insider 2026 survey, 39% of people living abroad said they found it easy to make local friends, and 54% were happy with their social life. Results vary a lot by country.
Will moving abroad save us money?
Sometimes. It depends on your salary, taxes, housing, school fees and how often you fly home. In the same survey, 55% of respondents were satisfied with their financial situation. Work out your own numbers for your specific move before you decide.
What happens to my pension if I move abroad?
It depends on the countries involved and your type of pension. Some countries have agreements that count work in both places; others do not. Check with a qualified adviser before you move.
How do we decide if the gains outweigh the losses?
Use the ledger exercise above. Focus on the two or three lines that matter most to your family, and look at whether you have a realistic plan for each loss.
What should we do next?
Every family's ledger looks different. For some, the gains are so large that the losses feel manageable. For others, one loss, often distance from a parent, outweighs everything else, and that is a completely valid answer. Staying is not failure. Going is not escape. Both are choices, and both have costs.
What matters is that you make the choice on purpose, knowing what you are gaining and what you are giving up, with a plan for the losses you choose to carry.
The maths is different for every family. Do it before someone else's numbers decide for you.
Ready to see which destinations fit your family's ledger? Take the 2-minute family destination quiz and get a shortlist based on what matters most to you.
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